Weekly Briefing from the North Texas Apocalypse Bunker, 12/6/24

In the Pipe, Five By Five edition

Everyone here at the North Texas Apocalypse Bunker has resigned ourselves to the onrushing holiday event and have assumed appropriate crash positions in anticipation of the impact. We have tried everything we could, including but not limited to: Christmas music, both traditional and novelty, seasonal food and drink, and even a festive article of clothing or two. Nothing has worked; we remain mired in grinchery, much in the same way that stegosaurus was unable to climb out of the tar pit that trapped and preserved it for posterity.

We hope the rest of you are faring better.

Proof of Life, 12/6/24

Holiday Gift Guide

Have you looked at this modest offering yet? This link will take you to my Google drive, and from there you can download it and look at it and think back fondly on previous Christmas gifts you remember from long ago.

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The Ciiiiiiiircle of Wriiiiiiiiite...

And It MOOOOVES US AAAALLLL-AHALLLALLL!

Okay, enough of that. On the increasingly slim chance that the locals might be reading this newsletter, you should know I’ll be making a rare, in-town public appearance on Saturday, DEC 7th, at the Carnegie Public Library from 10:30 AM to 12:30 PM. Come by, meet the other local authors in town, get a book signed, and feel free to pepper me with questions like, “How can I sell my book to a publisher and get a ten thousand dollar advance? You know, like YOU did.” Note: that did not really happen, but there’s just no convincing some people about how the world works. These people can be found, last name first, under the heading of “examples of the Dunning-Kruger Effect” in all of the major trade publications.

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Current Events

By now the entire planet has heard about the most recent public incidence of gun violence. I join the other people, pundits, bloggers, influencers, loudmouths on social media, and the mainstream media in denouncing violence as a means to a political end. Obviously. We aren’t in the Wild West, and the very idea of settling these kinds of things with gunplay and violence is anathema to our entire system, which ostensibly works on a foundation of law, as well as giving its citizens the right to choose who represents us in the upper echelons of government.

Instead, I want to point out that the mainstream media seems suddenly struck with such a crisis of conscience that they are refusing to speculate on why the CEO of the largest insurance company in America, with a history of denying claims in record numbers, right up to and including making use of an algorithm to automatically deny over 90% of claims made, would be suddenly assassinated in broad daylight with bullets in casings that have the company’s internal methodology of dealing with insurance claims (deny, defend, and depose) written in legible Sharpie, for everyone to find. “We still don’t know what the motive was for this act of violence,” they have all said, out loud, repeatedly. So, suddenly, y’all got ethics? Great timing, folks.

I’d also like to ask Our Corporate Masters if they are really surprised by this? In all of the books, comics, TV shows, movies, musical theater, opera, pop music and approximately 5,000 years of historical examples to draw from, was there not a single instance where you thought, “Oh, damn, if you keep pushing people into a corner, they eventually push back.” The worst part of all this is the hand-wringing, coupled with the scolding and admonishments, of various billionaires chastising the online snark with some variation of, “You guys, you don’t know how hard we work to make your little lives better.” Yeah. You’re doing it all for us. I’ve never felt so taken care of before.

I’m saddened by this. But I’m not surprised, not at all. However, I want to be very clear about this: I will openly mock and deride anyone who glibly asks, “but what can we DO about it?” If you really, truly, in your heart of hearts believe that garbage platitude, email me privately. I’ve got some remedial homework for you, starting with all of the American History episodes of Schoolhouse Rock.

You know what to do. We all do. It’s just not easy, or quick. I think that the not easy, not quick work is far preferable to assassinating people in the street, but then again, I’m a dreamer.

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Weekly Report from the N.T.A.B. Division of Media Review

Note: we will not be reviewing any other Christmas-based entertainment for the remainder of the 2024. You know what you’re about. Moreover, this isn’t your first rodeo. There are three levels of Christmas media you can engage with: The Classics, at the deepest level, the Modern fare, meaning any Christmas movie made in the last 20-odd years, and all of that formulaic garbage on the Hallmark channel (and, increasingly, also Netflix). You figure out which part of the Neapolitan ice cream sandwich, so to speak, you want to take a bit from, that won’t hurt your teeth. We will attempt to offer you a respite from the Christmas frippery with suggestions and reviews, starting with the series below.

A Man on the Inside (Netflix)

Ted Danson plays a retired college professor who infiltrates a senior citizens home to help a private detective with a case.

Couple of things, right off the bat: this is a Michael Schur production, and as such, it’s full of really great character actors we don’t get to see all that often because Hollywood hates everyone over the age of 40. What do you mean, “Who is Michael Schur?” Okay, let’s go down the list. The Office. Parks & Recreation. The Good Place. Upload. Brooklyn Nine Nine. Hacks. It’s just a sampling, but you get the idea. He’s my favorite guy making TV shows right now. Also, you don’t have to like everything he’s ever done, but if you don’t like any of his shows, you need to turn in your TV and just get a weird pet.

A Man on the Inside fits right into that groove, and then some. Schur’s shows are frequently front loaded with laughs and always about bigger, more complicated things. He has strong opinions, but he doesn’t lecture; instead, he gives you something to think about and room to figure things out on your own. This new show is about life and loss, and getting older, and the relationships between parents and their kids. Maybe that’s a lot to process in a mere 8-episode half hour show, but that’s all part of the genius of Michael Schur.

There’s a lot to like about A Man on the Inside, starting with Schur’s decision to keep working with the same people, so as you go through the episodes, you’ll do that thing where you point to a character and say their name from that other show they are in. But I want to call out one actress in particular. Sally Struthers has lost about a hundred and fifty pounds, by the look of it, and she knocks it out of the park; charming, funny, and showing a range I didn’t know she had. It’s a great part for her.

I’ve got no other notes. It’s fantastic. Schur really knows how to use Ted Danson to great effect. If you liked him in The Good Place, you’ll love him in A Man on the Inside. And then go back and catch any of the other shows of his that you haven’t seen. You’ll be glad you did.

Mark Finn is one of the most opinionated and influential experts on Robert E. Howard in the state of Texas. He’s an author out of largesse rather than as a vocation and writes stories because he can’t play the guitar. He loves gorillas, values a well-placed conversational movie quote, and treasures the picaresque in literature. Annoyed with people’s misunderstanding of popular culture, he took it upon himself to buy a movie theater so he could lord it over every obnoxious film student on the Internet. He likes to say, “If three people tell you you’re drunk, go lie down.”