Weekly Briefing from the North Texas Apocalypse Bunker, 2/18/22
Wang Dang Doodle Edition
The impending launch of the official bunker website is going according to plan. It’s the first project in a long time utilizing all four departments: Administration, Bunker Operations, Trade and Commerce, and Media Relations. I’m pleased to report everything is looking good for a launch at the end of the month.
Along with the website comes two distinct projects that I am crowdfunding: the podcast and my game writing.
You’re already familiar with Substack, if you’re reading this. As of right now, you have the option of becoming a member of the Bunker Essential Support Team by subscribing to the North Texas Apocalypse Watch and Family Fun Hour: a Thirty Minute Program podcast. Let me stress: this is optional. If you just want the weekly updates, that’s still free and it always will be.
Anyone subscribing to the podcast will get exclusive audio updates, previews, and other interactive goodies. You’ll get to meet some of the characters before the podcast goes live, and you’ll get to help me develop content for the podcast, as well.
You can also subscribe if you just like what I’m doing and want to support it.
But the real fun? The Bunker Essential Support Team: the B.E.S.T.! That’s right, this group will get stuff in the mail, like stickers, postcards, and other enticing loot. You’ll have access to exclusive merchandise (once I get it up and running) with a N.T.A.B. sensibility. For those of you who want to rock the NTAB Department of your choice on a T-shirt, this is where you want to be.
But wait! That’s not all!
You mean there’s more?
You bet! You can head over to Patreon right now and see check out my role-playing game writing plans. This is the same exact set-up as Substack; the only thing that’s different is what you get access to. I’ll be dropping weekly updates and content on Patreon as Polite Society gets knocked into shape. There will be some sneak previews, some downloadable content that you can play with, and opportunities to critique and offer feedback on draft materials.
As with Substack, the Patreon support also comes with the B.E.S.T. membership, with all of the above perks and bennies. There will be stickers. So many stickers. And a book to put them in, like S&H Green Stamps.
Note: these sites are both active right now as a “soft open,” meaning that I am slowly adding content to them in anticipation of a March 1st kick-off. You are welcome to subscribe to either Substack or Patreon now and get in on the ground floor. I won’t be sending out the initial batch of B.E.S.T. Welcome to the Bunker Kits until April, for a variety of logistical reasons, the least of which is that I will be in Greece for part of the month. More on this later.
Explorer’s Log, Entry 1A: Archer City, Texas
The Director of Bunker Ops is a big proponent of “doing things” and these things being done usually include an element of weirdness, randomness, or are built around some theme. I’d expressed an interest in showing her all of the vast glory of the North Texas/Southern Oklahoma area in a series of day trips and drives. She decided to add the wrinkle that it should be an alphabetical list (and before you ask, I’ve got Q for Quanah blocked off already). Because I like a good challenge, I agreed. And so, with the alphabet song ringing in our ears, I took Jes to Archer City, Texas.
Long time readers will remember that I am no stranger to the hometown of legendary Texas writer Larry McMurtry and his storied book store, Booked Up, Inc; I’ve written about it many times. But oddly (or, perhaps not so odd, given my circumstances), I’d not been back to Archer City in several years.
I was pleased to find things much as I’d left it. Booked Up’s hours have shortened in the wake of the global plague, but both the main store and the overflow store across the street were open on the day of our visit. It’s always fun to bring real book lovers to Archer City and watch them slump as they take in the enormity of the store and realize there is no way they will be able to see it all in one go-round.
Jes is a book fiend. You may recall we are in the process of integrating our two vast libraries (and the culling of duplicate books will be the first interactive mission for the B.E.S.T.ies as we attempt a Literary Repatriation on the scale rivaling The Great Escape). I’ve seen her in many bookstores; she’s no amateur. But this was the Moby Dick of used bookstores. It was too much to take in at once. I watched as she sort of staggered up and down the aisles, reading spines and looking dazed. “I don’t even know where to start,” she said.
“Yeah,” I said. “Isn’t it amazing?”
“It is,” she agreed.
Booked Up is one of those bookstores where you can’t bring your wants and wish lists to it, looking for those ultra-rare grail items for yourself. It doesn’t work like that. The store is too big; it’s stock too vast. It’s mostly alphabetical, but it’s also kinda not. There’s no real organization save what you can suss out on your own. About as good as you’re going to get is a label on the end of the shelves, proclaiming “Mystery” or “Literary Biographies,” or “Texana.”
You have to go with an open mind and love in your heart. Be ready to look for a while, and inevitably, you’ll find something you didn’t know you needed, but suddenly desperately have to have. I’ve found some of the coolest books there, and most of the time, they are reasonably priced. Oh, sure, I’ve bought first edition Thorne Smith hardcovers and small press titles before, but they are the exception, rather than the rule.
This trip was no different. Below are the books we purchased. Well, the books that I purchased. Jes couldn’t decide. There was too much to look at. I guess we’ll just have to come back again, after the shock has worn off.
Update from the Division of K-9 Maintenance
The bunker mascot has been increasingly less winky as the drops we are giving her are doing the trick, knocking down her ulcer and giving her a less squinty countenance in general. She’s been in high spirits of late, even going so far as to claim shotgun in the Great Pumpkin.
Janice informed me that Sonya was initially seated behind the wheel, and only moved over when Janice pointed out to her that she didn’t know how to drive. Still, I’ve been saying for years that the dog isn’t pulling her weight around here. If she wants to learn how to drive, I’ll pay for the lessons. I just want her to reach her full potential.
Weekly Report from the N.T.A.B. Division of Media Review
Pam & Tommy (Hulu)
Let me get this out of the way: this mini-series is a Hard R, or MA in the TV world, for all of the reasons why something would be rated R or MA, right up to and including full frontal male nudity. In fact, there’s more male nudity than female nudity in the show. Well, maybe not; but it’s definitely 50/50. And what a 50/50 it is.
I’m not going to rehash the Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee sex tape scandal; most of you are old enough to remember this being one of the first really big things to happen on the Internet. Heh. I said “really big things.”
You might also remember that this happened at a time when Pamela Anderson’s career was at its apex, or nearly just. She’d done a movie based on a comic book, called Barb Wire, and she was the titular star. Heh. I said “titular.”
Pam & Tommy is the behind-the-headlines story of how all of that came to be. Based on an article (yep, an article) in Rolling Stone magazine called "Pam and Tommy: The Untold Story of the World's Most Infamous Sex Tape" by Amanda Chicago Lewis, it covers how they met, their whirlwind romance, and also the reason why the tape was stolen and released. And while the first two episodes skirt the edge of Tabloid Sensationalism, there’s an undercurrent of genuine and heartfelt affection for Lee and Anderson, and it makes what happened to them all the more galling. Don’t misunderstand me; Tommy Lee is a goofus, and something of a moron—lovable, but still a moron. And whatever middling sympathy you might have for the contractor who stole from the famous couple is quickly blown away in the wake of what happened and how it all went down.
Probably the most impressive thing about the series (no, it’s not Tommy Lee’s junk) is the unerring accuracy, bordering on channeling, that Sebastian Stan and Lily James manifest in their roles. Stan looks younger and less worn-down-by-rock than the real Tommy Lee, but otherwise, he’s a doppelganger. And speaking of doppelgangers, Lily James’ transformation borders on outright sorcery. Seth Rogan and Nick Opperman bring exactly what you’d expect to their respective roles as the pornographers in question, as well.
Pam & Tommy is a sordid story, part caper and part star-crossed romance. The animatronic stunt junk may be too much for some of you, but if you can snake past all of the dangling wangs and silicone breasts, there’s a tragedy in the telling of the tale that is way south of Shakespeare and somewhat north of the Coen Brothers. Tentatively recommended, but know your limits.
The 2022 NTAB Directorial Culture Exchange Update: Guy Ritchie
This was one of my contributions to the list, a protest-add to cancel out Tim Burton, because if you are looking for a director more stylish and quirky than Burton, you can’t go wrong with Guy Ritchie.
The two movies, Snatch (2000) and Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) are a mated pair, for a number of reasons: casting, content, and comedy. Also, Ritchie seems to be the only director on the planet capable of getting an interesting performance out of Jason Statham. Jes chose Snatch, which was great, because it meant that I didn’t have to. The plot is the dizzying kind of intricate that reminds me very much of the late Donald Westlake, who was a master of clockwork plots, everything fitting together just so. Snatch is also imminently quotable, and this includes literally every single line of dialogue that Dennis Farina utters.
Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, by virtue of having been made first, isn’t quite as intricate or nuanced, but it does have a few things going for it: a killer soundtrack; Sting, in an extended cameo, only acting and not singing; and an ending that really seems to be an homage to the original The Italian Job (1969). It’s very funny, too, but leans more into the Tarantino-esque aesthetic (it was still the 1990s, after all). These are two of my favorite caper movies. If you’ve not seen them, and you love a good heist or caper movie, you just gotta check them out.
As always, an excellent briefing! Love those two movies but the spousal overunit isn’t a fan so they don’t get watched very often.