Weekly Briefing from the North Texas Apocalypse Bunker, 9/9/22
Potential H-Bomb Edition
The hastening of the Autumnal season here in North Texas has only invigorated the staff in Administration as they excitedly scan every tree for a change in color and spend an inordinate amount of time pawing through various almanacs in the hopes of discerning when the temperature will fall below 89 degrees, thus signaling the arrival of Fall.
This is, of course, a fool’s errand, but we will allow the indulgence, as it helps forestall the crushing ennui of their day-to-day existence.
Tolkien Fans: Final Thoughts
I was pleasantly surprised to find a receptive audience for my rant last week. I don’t begrudge the Tolkienites their ire; I only wish they’d stop shitting in public places to express their discomfort. In other words, most news sites and magazines out there, your hot-take think piece will not sway one single person over to your side of the fence, so why bother? This will be hashed out on the Geek Nation’s Killing Floor, and nowhere else. You put in is not wanted, needed, nor appreciated.
Also, considering that there’s still some back chatter about black elves in a show with orcs and dwarves in it, I’m going to ask the racists and incels of the online geek/blog community to do everyone a favor and start picking apart the story and the special effects, instead. We’ll still dismiss you, but then you won’t have to contend with everyone calling you an incel or a racist. I’m really sick of reading about everyone’s reaction to what amounts to a handful of YouTube channels, all blurting out the same feigned, sputtered indignities.
And finally to those fans of Tolkien’s work who didn’t like my D&D analogy any more than they liked everyone else’s attempt to contextualize the series in a way that lets them watch the show with elves and not feel like they are betraying a sacred trust, allow me to offer this meme:
And, failing that, this parting shot at your greed and your arrogance, because there are hordes of other authors’ fans who are STILL waiting for their giant-ass trilogy of movies and have been for decades:
Feel free to repost either of these pieces of chin music if you feel it will add to the “discourse.”
And hey, She-Hulk Haters? I’m coming for you, next.
God Save the Queen
I feel like I should comment on the passing of Queen Elizabeth, but on the other hand, I’m not British, nor particularly beholden to the crown, and I do not have an obsession with the Royal Family like so many people I know.
In fact, every single thought or instance I have of the late lamented has been pop cultural in nature; either as a visual flourish in a Kids in the Hall skit, or a reference dropped in a James Bond film, or in some tangential instance, such as her refusing to give Mick Jagger a knighthood. Eddie Izzard throwaway gags. Even comics:
I am grateful to everyone who posted their inappropriate meme or video in the comments section of the Facebook post I made the other day. There were some wonderfully skewed and dark jokes there. I also want to commend all of the Not-Royals from picking a fight with the Pro-Royals online. It’s been mostly civil as far as I can tell, and we don’t get too many of those days anymore, so I will simply remark on it and pray that the peace holds.
My only real thoughts on the matter are that this is something that spreads across at least four generations. My parents have only ever known this queen, along with the rest of us. I am curious and interested to see how this shakes out for the UK in the weeks, months, and years to come and I am, for once, grateful that America isn’t the most interesting thing in the news cycle.
Bacon City is Nigh
The city of Vernon has kicked into high gear, in anticipation of next Friday’s city-wide event. To commemorate the 100th anniversary of Wright Bacon, the town will transmogrify for one day into Bacon City, USA. There will be bacon everywhere in town; food trucks, restaurant menu items, bacon-style haircuts, photo ops, and more, including a free concert. For our part in the festivities, the theater will offer bacon popcorn (with real bacon), and we will be showing a free screening of a classic Kevin Bacon movie, Footloose, on Friday and Saturday. We will also be playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon with anyone who thinks they can beat us. Warning: We do this for a living.
Let this single picture be an appropriate teaser of what are sure to be upcoming shenanigans.
I can't tell if Bacon City is a sign of the apocalypse or something I drive non stop down to Texas to see.