Weekly Briefing from the North Texas Apocalypse Bunker, 07/05/24

Pyrotechnicus Interruptus edition

The cancelling of fireworks has been a topic of much speculation here in North Texas, with the consensus opinion being that “somebody” is doing “something” and “it makes you wonder what’s REALLY going on.” This despite there being a burn ban in North Texas as we weather the hottest and most dry time of the year and even setting them off a day early has caused problems in the form of, well, fire.

We here at the bunker are delighted that so many people are willing to see a conspiracy that isn’t there that they would overlook a plan that’s right out there in public for everyone to read and would do far greater damage on a national scale, with global ramifications. Better to try and root out the made-up conspiracies in one’s head instead. I mean, if you can’t double down on blind, unthinking Jingoism on the Fourth of July, when can you?

Proof of life 7/5/23

It's currently raining really hard outside. I’m willing to bet it’s now too wet and muddy to set off fireworks. It makes you wonder what’s REALLY going on, doesn’t it? Oh, I know! Weather controlling chem-trails!

 Everyone was SO entertained when I started up the Apocalypse Bunker. “Oh, Mark,” they said, “you’re so silly!” Not so funny now, is it? If anyone wants me, I’ll be in my cryobed, sleeping through all of this nonsense. Wake me up when we get to the Utopian future where everyone has a jetpack, AI is dead, and common sense has returned…a thousand years ought to do it.

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From the Department of Media Relations Agency of Broadcasting

We feel that it’s important to continue our adult education for the good of the future, and since there are a number of people walking the Earth right now with the seven-second memory of a goldfish, we thought we’d keep it simple, in the form of a song that can be sung in the shower or whenever anyone needs a little refresher on how this whole thing was supposed to be set up. Thus we present the following Public Service Announcements:

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Weekly Report from the N.T.A.B. Division of Media Review

Note: we’d like to apologize for last week’s editorial disruption of our usual reviews for your edification. We’ve been told by the Administration that we are to state our opinions about movies and nothing else. The phrase “dancing monkeys” was used more than once to let us know exactly what our job is in relation to the organ grinder.

My Lady Jane (Prime)

The story of Lady Jane Grey, the Nine Day’s Queen, as seen through the lens of alternate history and, presumably, A Knight’s Tale.

This is one of those period pieces with modern-day dialogue and music, which seems to be a thing right now. My Lady Jane is based on the UK YA novels by Brodi Ashton, Cynthia Hand and Jodi Meadows. I have not read these books, but I found the satire in this show a lot of fun. There’s a stodgy British narrator who functions as a Greek Chorus for the series, but his modern-day sensibilities are some of the funniest one-liners in the show. There’s a lot of taking the piss out of the filthy rich, for which I say, “here, here.”

A stand-out for this series is the music, featuring a number of rock and roll classics from the 70s, 80s, and 90s and all of which covered by female recording artists and bands. This works great, except for when it doesn’t. About half of the songs feel and sound fresh, and the other half are tonally at odds with both the show and the original version. Overall, though, it works more than it doesn’t, and you liked the dance sequence in A Knight’s Tale with Bowie’s “Golden Years,” then you’re in for a treat.

This 8-part series is clearly going to get a second season. I don’t know how anyone could look at a series with shape-changing people in it (the metaphor for, oh, a lot of stuff in the series) and then get mad because the series isn’t historically accurate. No duh!

My Lady Jane is aimed at fans of British snark. It’s got a lot of things on the YA Bingo Card already baked in, so if that’s your jam, you’ll love it. I thought the performances were good and despite myself, I enjoyed the tight plotting, the tension of knowing she’s not going to be around for long, and short, sharp jabs at the Haves from the perspective of the Have Nots. It makes a great palette cleanser whilst you cast about for a show to watch that will keep thoughts of the coming apocalypse at bay.

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Bodkin (Netflix)

A trio of unlikely allies making a podcast descend on the quaint Irish village of Bodkin to investigate a storied unsolved disappearance during a Samhain festival some thirty years ago. What they find quickly runs away from them and each person struggles with their own problems while trying to solve the mystery.

At first glance, this seems like another TV series where the writer has a go at podcasters for being the flavor of the month by exposing their lack of journalistic integrity, but Bodkin quickly overcomes that one-note pitch and turns into an actual full-blown mystery. That it’s taking place in a quaint Irish coastal village where no one—no one—in town is just a regular person, but they are all quirky characters with secrets and damage and hang-ups that are just as much fun to explore.

I’m not a big Will Forte fan, but he’s really good in this show, playing a fish out of water American who can’t ever quite catch up to what’s going on around him. He manages to do it without being muggy or emphasizing that sibilant stop he puts in front of his B and G words that makes me want to punch the TV. Actually, all of these characters are flawed and unlikeable, which made me want to root for them to be better.

Maybe the best part of Bodkin is the pacing. It’s only seven episodes, so there’s no time to fart around with B-plots and character development. People speak their truths, get in, get out, and drop a clue or two in every episode. By the end of the second ep, there’s enough information to hook you into the investigation, but the story is layered enough that the surprises keep coming until the last. I will warn you that all of the so-called supernatural-looking events that the trailer shows you are actually not supernatural and take place all in one episode only. Don’t be fooled by that, and don’t watch it expecting to see fairy folk at the end or a ghost behind it all.

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Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F (Netflix)

Eddie Murphy returns to the role that made him a superstar for a fourth outing as Axel Foley, heading back to L.A. to try and patch up an estranged relationship and help out his old friends.

This is not vintage Eddie Murphy. He’s too old now—and how do you think that makes John Ashton and Judge Reinhold feel? They look every bit of their age. So, don’t expect madcap Axel Foley doing all kinds of crazy things. He’s still a fast-talking, wisecracking, irreverent troublemaker, but that bounce is gone. The guy’s in his sixties, now for Pete’s sake. Cut him some slack.

Instead, let’s marvel at a movie that can dump an entire person’s life into backstory that’s doled out through the course of the first two acts. It’s great to see that Foley is still a screwup, because, you know, leopards don’t change their spots, but he’s also a much older and wiser? No, differently clever, thanks to the events between Beverly Hills Cop 3 and this movie. I actually enjoyed grown-up Foley more than I thought I would.

A brief word about sequels with older actors in venerable franchises that seem more like a cash grab than a sincere effort to tell a story...as a nostalgia piece goes, this is pretty good. It’s not the best thing ever, but it’s fun, and if you love the original Beverly Hills Cop (1984), then you will likely be charmed by this one.

The script follows a lot of the same beats as the first movie, and by beats, I mean that they even revisited the sets, or found stuff that looked an awful lot like the stuff in the first Beverly Hills Cop. But hey, how big of a Pointer Sisters fan are you? Because all of the old music has been remixed to sound like something today’s kids might listen to on YouTube! Yeah! Some of the bits are recycled, too. I won’t tell you what, but they were reworked juuuuust enough to come off as an homage instead of plagiarism.

All of this sounds like I didn’t like Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F, but that’s not true. I did like it. It was cute. It was funny in places. It was full of “Oh, I remember that” moments, and it even includes a call back to a second movie, another beloved comedy, for no other reason than they could do it. If you want nostalgia, this movie doubles down. It’s a fast food cheeseburger, one of the ones you have to be in the mood for to truly enjoy, good for a distraction when you need to take a break from the 24-hour Current Events Tire Fire.

Mark Finn is one of the most opinionated and influential experts on Robert E. Howard in the state of Texas. He’s an author out of largesse rather than as a vocation and writes stories because he can’t play the guitar. He loves gorillas, values a well-placed conversational movie quote, and treasures the picaresque in literature. Annoyed with people’s misunderstanding of popular culture, he took it upon himself to buy a movie theater so he could lord it over every film student on the Internet. He likes to say, “If three people tell you you’re drunk, go lie down.”